How often I sit down to write, right fingertips hovering over A-S-D-F left fingertips steady at J-K-L-; and wish that a narrative would rush down from my brain. Even a slight brilliance that would tell my appendages where to move next on the keyboard.
“We’re waiting. We’re ready,” my fingers say, at once seeming to hold the ideas themselves yet paralyzed and stuck in place until (literal) word comes in from higher up. An odd hierarchy: my hands so capable yet ineligible to move unless directed.
Oh, how I wish they could better self-mobilize. Spin a tale onto this blank page, bake a loaf of sourdough, stop the third cookie from being lifted to my mouth.
Alas. They are only as good as the channeled instruction they are given, doing no more than the brain wishes them to. Oh, they may register pain or itch or heat on their own, but even those sensations are quickly commandeered by the mind’s meaning-making, my fingers immediately rendered impotent once again. What a life.
This couldn’t be more opposite of my personal values system nor of what we espouse at FHPB. To leave anyone – client, project manager, project accountant, architect, trade – to feel so powerlessly out of control is reckless for a management company like ours. Projects don’t fail because they cost more or take longer. They fail because there is a loss of trust, heart wisdom, or willing collaboration.
To hold onto these things, we have to handle, with grace, the delicate balance of leading versus controlling. Understand the tenderness of vulnerability when desire gets smothered by practicality. Provide support when best ideas get knocked out in final rounds. These are the kinds of things that are our undoing. We know them. They are familiar to us. We can even see them walk through the door some days and we wonder how they found us again.
When we get it right, we create choice. It requires a strong sense of self to do this and that is what we hire for. “Can you make it safe for people to thrive?” we ask. This is leadership FHPB-style. Knowing yourself – your own highs and lows and triggers and soft spots – so they don’t impair other’s thriving. Because isn’t that what most often gets in the way? Fear of being discovered or uncovered?
We’ve got you. Don’t retreat. Let’s, at the very least, commit to stay in conversation with each other. That can often be the bravest and best choice any one of us can make. Do it. Fast and open. Every day.
I’m certain if my fingers could have a brave conversation with my mind they would sift out all sorts of things. Order of organization, delegation, decision making. We would take the best of and talk about making it even better.
Oh well. We made it to the end of this piece together. Better than how we started. We stuck with it. I’ll take it.
Allison
